Being a Mormon means being a hoarder.

Courtesy of Dictionary. com
hoard-ing
-noun
1. The act of someone who hoards.
2. hoardings, things that are hoarded.

Hoard
-noun
1. A supply or accumulation that is hidden or carefully guarded for future preservation, future use, etc. (I swear this is the definition)
-verb (used with object)
1. to accumulate for preservation, future use, etc., in a hidden or carefully guarded place.
-verb (used without object)
1. to accumulate money, food, or the like, in a hidden, or carefully guarded place for preservation, future use, etc.

Tim and I love the show Hoarders. Love it. love it, love it, love it. Why? Who knows. It's gross, astonishing, outrageous, usually filled with buried dead animals (which, more often then not are cats) and dirty, dirty, dirty. For some reason, we are fascinated by it. In no way do we want to relate to these people. Yet I am a Mormon, so every once in a while, the show causes me personal pain. I will never forget watching the episode where the organization specialists (actual job title. One which gives me license to call myself a Domestic Engineer.) uncovered a woman's "hoard" of purchased toothbrushes. She had a ton. Hundreds.
"You don't need more than one toothbrush." They said to her in disdainful voices. DUH. They might have added. And then, they proceeded (deep anxious breath on my part) to take these unopened, PERFECTLY GOOD toothbrushes (still in their plastic boxes mind you) and THROW THEM OUT. I almost died. Of course they couldn't donate them. How on Earth could they have donated such disgusting specimens of factory packaging? I mean come on, she could have put all kinds of FINGERPRINTS and BREATH WAVES on them. And here I was sitting, watching this episode in horror. "DON'T TAKE HER FOOD STORAGE, YOU COLD HEARTED MINIONS OF SATAN!" I screamed at the television. This might seem like an over reaction. What you might have guessed by now is that I might not be as extreme as some of these people, but in some ways, like them, I too am a hoarder.
Last night I went to my super, super awesome friend Andrea's house and we canned ourselves some food. She kept 15 number ten cans of freeze dried goodness, Heather took home a whopping 32, and I drove home 14. Yes! 14 more cans to add to my stash in the garage. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say stash? I meant hoard. See above definition.
We believe in storing food. Enough for one year. All joking aside, it is a very important thing to do. It really is. i have the calling in my ward as being the Home Storage Person. Or, since I am getting into the idea of fancy titles for everything, the Personal Domicile Hoarding of Eats Administrator. Anyway, that's my calling so I am emotionally tied to the idea of Food Storage. And what a great idea it is! Where do we get our food. The grocery store. (DUH. As the organizer specialists would say). Natural Disasters happen every day, everywhere. Earthquakes in Haiti, flooding in Australia, Tsunamis in Thailand...etc. Sooner or later, that WILL happen here. WHEN, not if. First of all, those grocery stores do not have enough food in stock to feed a city, let alone wash them or hydrate them or wipe their bums. (Yeah, I went there.) So if the grocery store is not destroyed, it will be swarmed. Or looted. If we have food to feed our families (and water and soap and extra clothes and toilet paper and TOOTHBRUSHES) we do not have to worry, we do not have to be a part of that frenzied crowd swarming the store (or looting it, much more scary and dangerous and likely) we can take a tiny breath and worry a bit less. In a disaster! An ounce of peace of mind in a disaster is worth like, 700 pounds in peacetime. (Disasterless time?) And we can help our neighbors. We cannot rely on the government to save us. The help might come in time, might (depending on how big the disaster is) but what about right away? We need food and water and first aid immediately. We need to help others immediately. It is a spiritual principle to be prepared. And the point of food storage is that we have no idea when this disaster will happen. We can rely on the frantic activity of supernaturally forewarned animals, but a hysterically barking crowd of dogs still only gives us about an hour.
Other reasons to store food;
Losing a job = no money. In this economic downtime I don't need to tell you that jobs are a wee bit hard to come by. If you have food storage you don't have to worry about feeding your family.
Helping Others = I want to have enough food that I can feed my family and still help the other families that want to feed their children too.
Self Reliance = knowing that we do not have to rely on a fallible system to care for ourselves. That we can take care of ourselves and have what we need no matter what.
Spiritual Blessings. We believe that through our obedience to our church leaders on the principles of being self reliant and storing a year's worth of food and money we will receive an increase in our testimony and faith and be blessed in many ways we don't expect.

Tim and I don't have a year yet. We are doggedly chasing our friends Kristy and Adam who have enough food to feed their entire mountain town. One day I will buy a t shirt that reads "I've almost got as much as The Philips" and wear it proudly through the Great Hesperia Tornado Disaster of 2019. (Not a prediction. 2019 could also herald a toxic chemical spill, or a violent political uprising) We are getting there though, slowly but surely.
Call me a paranoid fanatic. Call me a Mormon (Heck yes!!) Call me prepared. No matter what, when it happens, because it will, I will be secure in the knowledge that we as a family, have what we need. I am grateful for the counsel to be prepared.
Bring it on Mama Earth, we are ready!

Being a Mormon means heavy censoring.

Hi all! Being a Mormon means heavy censoring of the world around me.
Sorry ACLU, you and me
we ain't gonna be twee.
Sometimes, the world intrudes whether you like it or not. Driving through Vegas, I cannot "censor" from my mind a gigantic shiny butt greeting me from a billboard (tanned and sparkle thonged, good grooming, I commend you. Below waist body part and naked and melon like...gross) lest I want to also cause a traffic accident by shutting my eyes. I can however, choose Twilight over True Blood and embrace my inner Enya instead of Flo Rida.
Sometimes though, it's hard to censor. I do not watch R rated movies, but what's a girl to do when she sees endless tv ads for a movie about a deranged ballerina? THAT LOOKS GOOD! And an inspiring movie about a king with a stutter who overcomes triumphantly? I WANT TO SEE THAT! And, as I pooh poohed above, Flo Rida. I was dancing like mad to their song Right Round. Seriously dancing my freaking heart out. waving my hips, thrusting out my chest, doing some hair whipping...the like. then I decided to buy the song. SOMETHING warned me to read the lyrics first. So I looked up the lyrics and glanced over them indifferently before reading.....OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This song is...uh....not appropriate. (Downright nasty). Sigh. No Flo Rida for me. So what's a girl to do? Well, a Mormon girl has to choose. And having a vested interest in keeping my mind a little cleaner, I don't go see the deranged ballerina and I cheer for the stuttering king from outside the theater and I save myself $1.29 and don't buy me some Flo Rida. (How is that pronounced, by the way. Florida? Flo......rida?...)
Yes, being a Mormon means turning off Teenage Dream because it says
let's go all the way tonight
no regrets, just love.
Being a Mormon is hard. (That's a good song!)
But Being a Mormon is worth it.

What does it mean to be a Mormon?

I am a Mormon.
I was born into the church.
6 billion people on this planet, roughly 14 million church members, and I got to be one of them. Handed the answers. It's often said, I wish I was given a handbook to life, or, I wish I had a handbook on parenting, etc. Well, I was born with the handbook. When I am down, I think about that. Heavenly Father trusted me with His eternal truths enough to give them to me at birth. I did not have to find them, or spend years in unhappiness wondering what my life was missing. This is a blessing of such magnitude that it should vanquish any bad feelings that come my way immediately. Should. It doesn't, because being a Mormon is also. Very. Hard. Easy in that its not complicated. But hard because it expects so much of me. I am going to start this blog by copying some of my journal entries into it every day until I run out of those and have to start thinking again. So, for starters, I love being a Mormon. Thank thee Heavenly Father.